When I’m Alone

My thoughts run wild when I’m alone. When I’m all to myself and there’s hardly any lively memory I can depend on to feel just fine for the moment, I feel cut off from the world; sometimes even from God. I feel like I’m the only one in my situation – in a certain sense, I’m the only one feeling the pangs of my circumstances but I know I have more than just me to make it thru. My heavenly father has promised never to leave nor forsake me – this I believe. And to show me more of His love, He blessed me with my rib – and now I breathe a lot easier.

I look around me and all I see are walls and closed doors. The windows are covered and the similitudes of doors are open lockers. One door leads to the washroom, so I can go in there and freshen up, come back and sit with a false sense of comfort. In all, I’ve found some comfort just sitting in here alone, keeping to myself and wondering why I have to suffer these afflictions. Really, this is what I feel my situation is like: go all round and end up in a worse place. What injustice I suffer for mistakes I allowed to weigh me down though I have no former blame. You can blame the latter on me because I allowed the chain reaction to start anyway.

But there’s always an exception while there’s life. Two generations have passed me by – mine and those after me. Now the third generation is seemingly passing me by and I look on feeling helpless but hopeful all the same. I know I’ll finish this race some day – I see the end from where I am. But when I’m close to finishing, the finish line somehow finds faults with me and moves forward. Can I ever reach this finish line? Yes I can and I will, in fact I’m about to. But then, I wonder, “What will I have lost when I finally cross the finish line? Or rather, let me wonder, “What will I have gained when I finally cross the finish line?”

Deep down, I believe that everything will be fine and I will be in a higher place. So then, I will do myself no more injustice by wallowing in pity and looking for ears to hear my plight. Rather, I am confident in the God of my salvation, that I will not be swallowed up in this, that He has rescued me and has set me on higher ground. So then I will delight in the Lord and say to my soul, “Be not worried, neither be thou dismayed. When thou speaketh of what situations befall thee, declare in faith of the things which are not yet as though they were.”.

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